Talk to Me

Recently, a dear friend of mine, who loves to remind me to do the things that I am supposed to do even (and especially) when I don’t want to do them, reminded me to write. I was grateful for the reminder because, truth be told, I felt like the universe (aka: my friends, my family, even my youth pastor in a recent sermon) had been screaming at me for months to do the same. My friends lovely reminder, however, brought with it a challenge: to write whatever I was scared to write.

I pondered this for quite a while because I couldn’t seem to figure out what scared me so much that I didn’t want to write about it. The challenge really seemed silly to me. “I’m not afraid to write anything,” I thought after considering that the only time I do write is to share personal experiences but a tiny voice in the back of my head whispered, “that’s not true, there is that one thing.” In that exact moment, I knew. I knew-nope, I know exactly what I am afraid to write about, talk about, or even share with my most intimate friends.

Let’s get right down to it, shall we?

I, Mariangelie Castro, have been a Christian for all 22 years of my life on this beautiful Earth and despite all of my wonderful moments in the presence of God, I have never ever heard God talk back to me. If it seems silly to you that this scares me to talk about, then ok. But, I have always felt like this is some deep dark secret that I have to keep. For years, I have listened-with considerable envy, I might add-to my friends, pastors, and family members talk to me about how God clearly spoke to them and told them they were loved, shared His plans with them, or just reminded them that He was listening.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten so flustered thinking, “words are my love language! You made me, how could You not know?!” It almost feels as though I’ve taken on the role of God’s needy teen groupie shouting up at Him: “You’re so perfect! Just tell me you love me back! Please!”

It seems silly, I know, but, I am a classic over-thinker and in my head, not hearing the physical voice of God has always seemed like my reproach for somehow not being “worthy” or “good” enough. And, I will admit that I had to write the previous sentence out in order to understand just how incredibly stupid that thought is.

Look, I don’t know why I have never heard the physical voice of God but, I know that I don’t need a physical voice to know that I am loved, that God is love, that in His presence there is a joy and a peace that I can’t compare to anything else on this entire universe. I may have not ever heard God tell me that I am His, but, He proved it at the cross. I might have never heard God repeat that I am not alone or that He is my provider, but, oh man, how many times has He proven both of those to be true? Countless.

Here’s what I have learned: few things are better than sitting in a circle of friends sharing God experiences and, I truly believe, that we can take from other people’s experiences with God and build on them and grow from them. But, our experience with God is so insanely personal, so perfectly ordained by Him that we’d be silly to waste our life and time thinking about what we don’t have that others do. So, I haven’t heard God’s voice but, I have encountered His love, I’ve been a witness to His favor and His mercy, I have felt His spirit, and I have never ever been alone.

God doesn’t have to confine Himself to what our idea of Him is. Life is about choices and I have the choice of whether I will spend my entire life beating myself up about the fact that I don’t know what God sounds like or I can be present and enjoy every single second of every single minute that I am in His presence.

So, even if I live an entire life on Earth never hearing the voice of God, I frankly wouldn’t mind if the first words I ever hear Him utter were, “well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Today.

Today on my car ride home from school, I was listening to a conversation on NPR about teen stress and how teens are now the most stressed people. Being that I’m no longer a teen, I initially thought, “what is there to stress about in high school?!”

But, the more I listened to the data, the more calls I heard coming in from the parents of teens who struggled with stress to point of seriously considering or attempting suicide, the more I remembered what being a teen felt like, what the pressure of wanting to excel in everything and finding myself coming up short made me feel like.

Now, let me pause for a minute and say that I never personally considered attempting/committing suicide and while I am [quite happily] out of my teen years, I do recall that they were no walk in the park and I would NEVER go back to the self-doubt, constant insecurity and extreme pressure that I felt during that time.

Back to my car, in a few short minutes I found myself in tears. My heart breaks for these kids (I swear I don’t mean that condescendingly, I just have no clue what else fits). I remember now how terrible it felt to spend all night studying and pull a C on an exam. I remember thinking about college but, knowing unless I could manage to pull off acceptance into an ivy it wouldn’t be enough. I remember realizing later on that I couldn’t pull off acceptance into an ivy.

At home, my parents struggled to get by every paycheck. My mother’s business made barely enough to stay afloat, let alone give her a paycheck. All my worries and fears about life, life after school, and everything else seemed insignificant compared to my parent’s struggles so, in an effort to be considerate I just never talked about them. Looking back, I realize that I allowed their stresses to become mine and it only served to worsen things in my already stressed brain.

I was uncomfortable at home, school, and most importantly within the confines of my own body. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I would never amount to enough. 

The more that I think about the past, the more I realize that what saved me was the only thing that didn’t consume my thoughts at the time. So, if anyone here has read this and finds themselves going through a difficult time, ready to give up on life, I have two things I want to say to you today:

1. Stay. I know that staying might seem like the craziest, most ridiculous thing to do when you are at the end of your rope, but, I, promise you it’s not. You have an entire life ahead of you. And, I promise you, that great big life is so much more than ivy league schools, big houses, a killer body and constant perfection. While those things might be attainable, the idea of everything being ok 100% of the time is just purely unrealistic. No matter what you do and where you go, you are destined for greatness. You have to believe that and, if you don’t come ask me what I think and I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it. I don’t need to know you personally, I only need to know that you are alive. Because, even if you don’t, I believe that where there is life, there is hope. You are not alone. I know that you think that this universe is much too big for anyone to find your problems important, but, you’re wrong. I care. I am here to listen, to talk, to share stories with. But, you have to stay. Please.

2. Yes, ok. I’m going to do the cliche Christian thing and tell you that the thing that saved me was Jesus and you’re going to roll your eyes and spit out 30 reasons as to why that’s impossible. Ok. I still want you to know, He loves you so much. You were worth His death on a terrible cross. He experienced every type of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain imaginable so that when you came to Him, when you gave Him a shot to know you and to speak to you, He would be able to say, “I know, I’ve been there but, it’s ok. In the end, we win.” I understand that this might not be the popular thing but, I want you to know that Jesus saved me. I could have gone down the path of self-destruction and depression but, no matter how bad things got, I have always had Him to turn to. To this day, when I struggle with doubt, insecurity, fear, worry and stress, there is no greater peace for me than remembering that I am loved beyond measure and understanding.

I wanted to take the time to write this because I find that sometimes I take my salvation for granted and I forget that there are people who don’t know Jesus or who have no one to talk to. And, I just want you to know that I meant every word I said. Talk to me, I’m here to listen. 

Defeating Our Giants

The past few weeks have been difficult for me. Yes, to all of my family reading this, in an overly dramatic, makes-no-sense-to-anyone-but-me kind of way. For lack of a better term, I’ve been in a funk. My ‘funk’ and a particularly difficult workout got me thinking, though: what is the matter with me and how can I fix it?

For most us, giants come in a variety of shapes, sizes and distinctions. For me, they recently came to me in the form of 5 sets of shuttle runs on a football field inside of a local community park. With my brother-in-law to my right urging me to keep going, the sun beating down on my back and a shortage of air and strength, I found myself wondering why I always gave up.

Why I never finished the mile, why I never got a perfect attendance record in school, why I don’t read my bible and pray more, why I never post more on my blog and why I never started that YouTube channel I’d always wanted to. The voices in my head were no longer just talking to me about the shuttle runs, they were coming down hard on every hidden insecurity I had that could possibly be linked to finishing that workout. I broke down. I was physically and mentally exhausted. Everything on my mind at that moment had been quietly building for weeks and the weight poured out, albeit embarrassingly, onto that field.

If I’m going to bare my soul, I may as well be completely honest and say that for all my self-actualization, I did not finish all five of those shuttle runs and, I was so drained after crying my little heart out that I just walked away after that. I was done.

That situation, however, got me thinking about one of the more commonly known stories in the bible: David and Goliath. I know many, if not all, Christians love to bust out the story of David and Goliath when they are facing difficult times, they recite it as if it were some magical spell that, if recounted often and with enough conviction might somehow make all their problems vanish. But, I just don’t think it’s that simple. And, please, don’t misunderstand me and think that I’m somehow knocking the story of David and Goliath, I assure you I’m not. If anything, I aspire to one day be a person who, like David, can be spoken of as someone who was always after God’s own heart.

But, getting back to the point, David was not always that man. Before he became the great king of Israel that he was, he had to face some difficult battles. In 1 Samuel 17:1-7 we read: 

17 Now the Philistines gathered their armies together to battle, and were gathered at Sochoh, which belongs to Judah; they encamped between Sochoh and Azekah, in Ephes Dammim. 2 And Saul and the men of Israel were gathered together, and they encamped in the Valley of Elah, and drew up in battle array against the Philistines. 3 The Philistines stood on a mountain on one side, and Israel stood on a mountain on the other side, with a valley between them.

4 And a champion went out from the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, from Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span. 5 He had a bronze helmet on his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail, and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of bronze. 6 And he had bronze armor on his legs and a bronze javelin between his shoulders. 7 Now the staff of his spear was like a weaver’s beam, and his iron spearhead weighed six hundred shekels; and a shield-bearer went before him. (www.biblegateway.com, NKJV)

In comes Goliath, a strong, powerful, overly-confident Philistines who, from my interpretation, scared the bejeezus out of the Israelites. Now, I took the liberty of doing some research and in case you were wondering just how large a man Goliath was and found that his height roughly translates to somewhere between 8-10 feet in height and the armor he carried weighed about 150-200 pounds! The dude was undeniably strong. But that’s always the case with insecurities, isn’t it? They’re big and strong, look impossible to defeat and, generally, leave you feeling scared and defenseless.

The bible goes on to talk about how exactly David ends up on that battlefield and, ultimately defeats Goliath. That story alone stands to teach us countless lessons about faith and the power of trusting in God alone, teachings that are ingrained into our memories from even our earliest stages of attendance at Sunday School.

I would argue, though, that if we want to take the story in a metaphorical “defeat the giants in your life” sense, we must understand that our giants are a result of our own actions. My personal insecurities are not the result of a hereditary trait forcefully passed onto me by my mother and bad genetic selection, they start when I hear small voices of pride, self-doubt, fear, etc. and allow them to take root and become big.

I create my giants and therefore they are a part of me.

This little tidbit is hard to swallow. When we think of that story in reference to our lives we automatically assume that we can only fit into one role and that the role of ‘giant’ must be defeated. We are more than conquerors in Christ, therefore we have to defeat the giant! This is true, but only partially. We ARE more than conquerors in Christ, we CAN defeat our Goliath but, we MUST understand where He came from.

Our pride, self-doubt, anxieties, fear, self-deprecation and other insecurities do not come into our lives unless we allow them in. You have the power to control the giants in your life before they can ever become giants. When opportunities for doubt, fear, pride and the rest arise, you are solely responsible for confronting them. His brothers murmured, King Saul doubted him because of his size and age but, David never faltered. He stood up to the bully until he brought him down.

But, the story doesn’t end there. Remember my contention: the Goliath of pride, for example, was created by you and therefore is a part, no matter how small or insignificant, of you. Now, fast-forward with me to 2 Samuel 11. The David we meet here is very different, in fact, he looks a little like Goliath. He is strong, powerful, holds the key to the city an entire people, he sees what he wants and he gets it. Case in point: Bathsheba. 

In 2 Samuel 11:2-5 we read:

2 Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. 3 So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4 Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house. 5 And the woman conceived; so she sent and told David, and said, “I am with child.”

And further along in the chapter:

14 In the morning it happened that David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah. 15 And he wrote in the letter, saying, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retreat from him, that he may be struck down and die.” 16 So it was, while Joab besieged the city, that he assigned Uriah to a place where he knew there were valiant men. 17 Then the men of the city came out and fought with Joab. And some of the people of the servants of David fell; and Uriah the Hittite died also. (…)

26 When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband. 27 And when her mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased theLord.

The thing that stands out to me to the most about these stories is this: David went from fighting a giant to becoming one. Goliath’s pride which had served David so well in defeating the giant now became the cause of one of his biggest mistakes.

See, we can defeat our giants, no doubt. The power lies in us and I believe when we trust and believe in God, He can give us the strength we lack in order to be victorious. But in order for that victory to remain with us, in order to keep our Goliath buried, we must be walking in God’s plan for our lives. David was never meant to see Bathsheba bathing, he was meant to be on the battlefield with his men. We are never meant to be full of doubt, pride or self-sufficiency. We are meant to depend on a God much greater than ourselves. We are meant to walk in His path and fulfill His purpose for our lives in order to maintain the victory.

David was a sheperd. A lowly runt in his family, the youngest and most under appreciated brother but God never looked at that. No matter what anyone thought of David, God favored him. David was given strength to defeat a lion with his bare hands, bring down the special weapon of the Philistine army and become the greatest king of Israel the world had ever seen!

The Bottom Line:

Every single one of us faces giants. Giants who, more likely than not, we create for ourselves. Understand that only YOU have the power to destroy your giants but, also be aware of the fact that, if you aren’t careful, those giants can return to you in other ways.

God wants you, you need Him: Win-Win?

Have you ever watched one of those movies with a great big love story at the center? I’m sure most of us have, but, is it just me or does anyone ever feel extremely uncomfortable at how need and love are treated as synonymous words in most of those?

If you’ve read any of this blog, you know by now that I genuinely believe that the greatest relationship, the most epic love story we will ever experience is the one we have with God. He is our most faithful and true lover. When everyone in this world has left us, He is still standing beside us, residing within us, and filling us with His warmth. We are never alone when we have God and what’s so amazing about Him is this: He doesn’t need us, He wants us.

Stop for two minutes and think about what you would do if you could pull a “Bruce Almighty” and be God for a few days. Chances are, even if you tried, you could never come close to God’s goodness, greatness, faithfulness, etc., etc. I’m not trying to bring you down, but, c’mon guys, God is pretty freaking good and all He wants is for us to earnestly seek Him.

Here’s the thing, for as much as I want God, that doesn’t even begin to compare to how much I need God. But, need is a completely selfish human trait. It’s all about the inner self. When someone tells you that they love you, so they need you around, the benefit is ultimately for them. And, fortunately, God loves us despite that fact.

When we come into His courts, our hearts swelling with love and mouths ready to shout about his faithfulness and kindness, the benefit is ALWAYS for us. Don’t get me wrong, God loves when we do this. In fact, it’s the purpose we were created for: to worship and praise Him. But, don’t be fooled and think that you’re doing God a favor when you worship Him. You need that. You need Him. So he waits for you to go to Him.

And you want to know the best part? This wonderful, amazing, awesome God that we serve is so overcome with joy when we come to Him. It is all He wants! In Hebrews 13:5, God promises that He will never leave or forsake us. Through our trials, tribulations, our shortcomings, our failures, He will NEVER leave us. I don’t know about you but, when I think about the fact that my God is a God who can create entire universes and still He just wants me, I am overcome with joy.

How can He love me so much? How could I have gotten so lucky? But, that’s just it, it’s completely undeserved. It’s grace and it’s perfect.

Through every situation, anything you’re facing today guys, just take some time to go to God. To thank Him for always being in control, even when you can’t understand, even when you don’t feel Him. While he revels in the joy of having His beloved children running to Him and worshipping Him, we receive the biggest benefit by getting to discover His unending love, His perfect friendship and all of His glory!

To The Girl Who Just Wants To Be Loved

Look at you, you’re beautiful.

Your hair, a collection of perfectly curled ringlets and that

makeup, flawless. Just flawless.

You can’t wait till he catches a glimpse, can you?

The boy you did this for, he’s going to see and

nothing else will matter to him, right? That’s the plan.

Oh, c’mon that wasn’t judgment.

I know how good it feels to be wanted. I know it

can turn into an addiction.

But, do you know who you are? Who your father is?

You couldn’t. I’ll bet no one’s ever told you that

you’re made of the greatest compilation of nerve endings, cells and tissue

this old world has ever seen.

I can see how your eyes light up when that boy

tells you that you shine like the stars. But, I bet he doesn’t know

that if the stars could see just how precisely and

perfectly you were put together they’d be jealous.

He waits until your makeup can cover up those

blemishes (he can’t handle more imperfection than his own)

and when it does, he’ll spew the words,

“You’re so pretty” as if he’s done you a great big service.

He doesn’t get it. He can’t understand that

while some of the prettiest sights in this galaxy are just

clouds of dust that were spoken into existence,

you are The Creator’s beloved, crafted perfectly by the

work of His gentle hands.

So, don’t fret pretty girl when one day

your joke was just too intelligent and he forgets

to think you’re pretty. He just can’t see that

someone is quietly fighting for you.

The other someone is someone you know of. You’ve even

talked about giving him a real chance. That always

excites Him. But, then that boy comes back around and you forget.

You can’t take your chances with the unknown,

the boy-THE boy– is right in front of you.

“What if he’s ready to love me now,” you think naively.

He doesn’t give up though. (The other He, the He

that wants you now.) See, because, that He looks at you

in the worst of times and smiles. To Him, the entire universe

begins and ends with you.

He knows about the universe, too. He created it.

But, you have places to go. Places where the

boy might be. You have no time for quiet gentleman.

You need love now and how is He ever going to give you that?

You can’t even see him. “No,” you think.

You need to convince the boy

you’re worth it. That way you’ll get what you want.

Oh, pretty girl. If you only knew.

This He, the patient one, the one waiting on you?

He created an entire universe for you. Everyday,

when you look at that majestic sunset and at night

when you stare up at that gorgeous moon the universe

is shouting at you.

“It’s for you, my princess,” it says. You’d have

to stop and listen for it, though. You’d have to make

time for Him to know it was happening.

But, the universe isn’t loud enough. And, all you want is

another shot of “I want you,” to get you through.

On bad nights, you think:

Maybe, though, just maybe there’s another way.

But no.

Assurance in His declarations over you and your attention

are what that man require.

Those are hard, though.

You’d have to accept that you’re imperfectly perfect, that

He made no mistake in your creation. And how can

that be? Wouldn’t the boy have loved you? And how can I just give

all this time to Him. When would I see the boy? Or talk

about the boy?

But, I guess that’s the choice, then. The boy or the Savior? Love,

or a cheap imitation.

First World Problems

Am I the only Christian who sometimes hates free will?

Like, I get it. We serve God because we want to. We go to church because we choose to. We make decisions about how to spend our lives based on things we’re passionate about. No one can make us do anything! It’s fun! False.

Water parks, Disney world, and being able to consume lots of food and not gain weight–that is fun. Knowing that you can choose to do and be anyone in the world that you want to be but understanding that you want to do what and be who God has called you to be-that’s what I call stressful.

I know. I know I am being dramatic, I am creating a problem where there isn’t one. I should just find the thing that I am passionate about and make a career out of it. But, what if I’m wrong and what I presume to be true passion is just a youthful whim? Or, what if I think I’m hearing God’s voice confirming my steps but, I’m just so consumed by my desire to do what I think I should that I go the wrong way?

I know where I need to put my trust and I know that the answers will come but, sometimes, I realize how much freedom I have in my choices and I find myself overwhelmed.

Fear, too, has been a big factor in my difficulties when it comes time to make decisions. The fear that I won’t succeed or the fear that I won’t live up to people’s expectations. What if I make a decision to do something with my life and then later on decide I don’t love it? What can I do then?

Don’t let fear stop you. What and if are two rather insignificant words until they’re placed side by side. We can’t know the future. It’s not our job to know. Our job, however, is to trust in God. In his perfect timing. To know that He is always on our side and that He will continue to guide us no matter what mistakes we make or however many times we fail.

God has so many incredible things planned for each and every one of us. He has called and ordained us for a special purpose. The end result may not always be clear but, there are certainly reasons as to why you love what you love and why it speaks to you in certain ways. Walk on the water, go meet your Saviour where he’s at and change the world by doing so!

Make this the goal of your week, month, year, or even better, your life: Do the things that scare you. Follow the big dreams. If God planted that seed in your heart, he will always equip you to complete the task. And remember, if your dream doesn’t absolutely terrify you and you don’t completely need God to accomplish it, you’re probably not working on the right dream.

A Love Story

Lately I’ve been thinking about love, more so that I’d care to admit. I’ve been thinking about what love is, how we receive it and give it and what shapes our understanding of what love is. Certain events I’ve experienced have made me aware that I don’t think anyone really knows what love is anymore. At least not anyone under the age of 25. 

 

Everywhere I look I see books and movies that portray things like obsession and co-dependency and label them love. In some of our most “epic” [and let me interject here by saying that I use the term “epic” VERY loosely here] and most popular love stories you come away with a (to me, disturbing) notion that this “love story” was great because the heroine’s story so desperately depended on the decisions of her love interest. As if what made the story and the love so real and true was the fact that it was tragic and complex. 

 

For me, this idea seems completely preposterous. It’s 2013. Women have rights! We can vote, own property, work in virtually any field, hold high government positions. We have the freedom to do pretty much anything we want! In some sense, we have been able to achieve many of the things our predecessors had fought so hard to accomplish. 

 

But, while a generation of middle-aged women goes out daily and tries to fight for something more, I feel there is a new generation of teens and tweens who are complete enamored with the idea of love. Their blogs, Facebook profiles, and Instagram feeds have room for little else but to talk about love. How much they want and need it, how impatient they are to have it. They’ll do anything to get it and once they find someone/anyone who seems to give them the attention they desire they grab on to that with a deadlock  seal and refuse to let go no matter the consequences. 

 

To me, this is the truly terrifying part of this whole ordeal. Watching beautiful, intelligent girls who are chock-full of potential begin to lose sight of anything that truly matters because of their insane desire to feel loved. Time and time again it seems that younger and younger girls will just cling to anyone that might want to cling to them. They’re so scare-at 15, no less!-that they won’t be loved that they give everything they can to the first moron that quotes “The Notebook” to them.

 

Don’t misunderstand me, I’ve had my bouts of boy craziness. I have given way too much importance to a jerk who did nothing but play with my heart for way too long, I’ve lost my cool over a guy who happened to smile at me on a particularly bad day. But, if there’s something I can say for myself, it’s that I’ve never stopped being fully aware that there was so much than anything having to do with some guy! 

 

What I’m trying to get at is this: the greatest love story of your life happened 2,000 years ago on a cross. The most selfless, wonderful, loving man had everything and gave it all up to have an opportunity to know and love you! Love isn’t a compilation of kind words and pretty gifts, it’s a lifetime relationship. A give and a take.A sacrifice. Love is “who would you give your life for?” You. Jesus gave His life for you. He has given you everything and all He wants is for you to give Him your life. To give Him the attention and place he deserves. When we do that, when we focus on Him and His kingdom not only do we find real and lasting love but, everything we ever need will always be added, love story included. 

Summer Woes and Enlightenment

Hello Internet!

So, its mid-May and (for me, anyway) Summer seems to be fully underway! Last weekend was my very own official kick-off to Summer with a trip to see Mickey Mouse and I have to admit there is no better start to the summer!

Alas, after the dust settled and the sugar high wore off (the caramel apple was just too good to resist), I returned to normal life and the yearly cycle of trying to figure out what to do with all of my free time now that school is on break. I started mentallyplanning trips to the beach, adventures on my friend’s boat, and tons of other totally Summery things! My overly excited musings were abruptly interrupted by the realization that summer outing require summer attire and that idea made me extremely uncomfortable!

So after a drama-infused night of eating ice cream straight out of the tub (don’t judge) and watching Pride and Prejudice for the millionth time (that may not be an exaggeration), I woke up a couple of weeks ago feeling frustrated and unhappy. Now, I’m fully aware that this isn’t some innovative feeling, this is pretty common terrain for most girls. Starting in their early teens and usually sticking around for most of their lives. It sucks not to be where you want to be, physically, mentally, spiritually, and any other aspect you can imagine. But, I also realized that the only person in control of my feelings and appearance is me! I had no one to blame but, me for my poor choices. So, when I realized I wasn’t happy with what I saw I got off my butt and did something about it.

The next morning I went grocery shopping for my favorite healthy foods, I picked an exercise plan and got myself organized and I just did it. I’ve been at it for a couple of weeks and while, I admit, I haven’t exactly stuck to the plan completely I feel more motivated than ever. I feel 100 times better about myself and I feel like I’m on my way to making, not a quick diet change, but a complete lifestyle change.

Through this process, though, I’ve learned a few things so, here are my get fit tips for all of you:

1. Find workouts you like! This seems like such ano-brainer, right? But, a lot of times we feel like, we have to do what everyone else does in order to see results in our fitness routines. Truth is, if you’re not doing something you enjoy, you’re more likely to get discouraged and stop doing anything. Bike, hike, climb, swim, do whatever activity you enjoy that gets you active!
2.  Healthy food doesn’t mean boring food: Look, I love food the way some girls love finding a good deal or the perfect outfit so, the idea of dieting is like, sacrilege to me. After a couple days eating the same 4oz chicken breast and steamed veggies, I’m ready to call it quits and scarf down everything in sight! Alas, I have discovered that dieting isn’t actually all that bad! There are tons of recipes, cookbooks, and food blogs out there that have amazing, and delicious, recipe ideas for anyone trying to shed a couple pounds. I’m super excited to try this recipe for cauliflower crust pizza I found on Lauren Conrad’s website.
3. Don’t go it alone! I’m a weirdo, I like to workout alone (I know, I’m missing out on the sweet feeling of doing one more rep than the person next to me but, oh well). But, even I, need to know that someone, somewhere is suffering along with me! Get your friends to join you or use the internet! There are tons of fitness blogs out there to help you on your way! My favorites are reasonstobefit.tumblr.com and Lauren Conrad’s Bikini Boot Camp Plan. The first is super motivational and the second has a really great plan to get you started-the best part? It comes preloaded with workout and recipe ideas!
4. Count your calories! Confession? I’ve never counted calories before! I barely even read nutrition labels! (I know, it’s terrible but, sometimes they make me so sad!) As I mentioned, I love food and I don’t like to feel guilty about something that I genuinely just want to enjoy! But, in my efforts to go about this the right way, I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app on my phone and started keeping track. Honestly, this is the part that has been the hardest for me but, also the most helpful. Counting calories isn’t a death sentence but, it is an opportunity for you hold yourself accountable for your choices! It helps you to stop overeating and be wiser about your food choices (because really, if you only have 450 calories left for your last snack and dinner you probably won’t waste them on empty calories and sugary snacks).

I hope this motivates you all as well! Let me know if you have a healthy recipe idea for me!

Xoxo

Tuesday Thoughts

Hi! So, it’s crunch time. There are two weeks left to the semester and aside from freaking out about the insane amount of things I have to do before next friday, I have had quite a few things on my mind today. Of course, I need to write them out in order to organize my thoughts so, lucky you! Here it goes:

1. Cyber Bullies — Don’t tell me they’re just teens with insecurities! Today I was reading an article about the Duggar Family (the ones with that show on TLC, 19 and Counting, or something) and it just basically described a day in their life. Talked about grocery bills, divvying up the housework, living arrangements, etc. What I found to be shocking wasn’t the total amount of money the duggars spend on groceries monthly ($3,000!) but instead, the insanely negative reaction to the family just because they have 19 Kids. Really?! Look, I think having 19 kids is insane (especially because as a woman, I can barely think of popping one out…dear god, 19 times?!) for lots of reasons but, I’m not gonna stomp all over some woman’s right to do what she wants with her body! We’re so quick to say that women should be given full control of her body but, let her want to brag about her insane fertility and it’s “how disgusting” or “these people make me sick.” Again, really?! People of the world, please shut up. If the Duggars want to keep having babies, then babies they will keep having and if you want to limit yourself to one or two babies that’s also your right. They’re not going to judge you so, don’t judge them. I don’t care if the world is overpopulated or whatnot (I mean, I do but, that’s not what I’m getting at right now) having kids (as many as they want) is their right and sitting around on the internet, judging isn’t going to stop them from procreating further or existing. Let them be! And, if you’re tired of hearing about them, STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM! They’re famous because all of those comments that ask “why does anyone even care?” new conversations to answer that exact question! If you don’t want to find out, don’t click on their articles, don’t watch their shows but, for goodness sake LEAVE THE DUGGARS ALONE!
2. Cliche Realization — How does time pass by so quickly? I swear, it’s impossible for it to be April 10th, 2012 already (APRIL 10th?!?!)! Alas, it is, in fact, April 10th, 2012. As I mentioned earlier, the semester is winding down and I’ve got an insane amount of work to finish *feigned excitement* ! The semester finishing, however, is not the scariest thing to me right now. The scariest thing ever is that, I, after this summer will be [technically] a senior in college! *Insert dramatic music* Seriously, guys, that’s a pretty scary thing! I’m not ready to graduate! I’m not ready for grad school! I’m certainly not ready to start my career! [I feel like I can hear the universe rolling it’s eyes at my theatrics.] Look, I know it’s gonna happen and I mean, I’m sure that I’ll do great it’s just, all this anticipation and build-up really freaks me out. I DON’T WANT TO GROW UP! [Excuse the tantrum] I’m fully aware that I’m overreacting, but, I’m stressed and tired so, let me have it please?
3. DFTBA — I know told you all before about my latest and greatest obsession but, as I was obsessing stalking the vlogbrothers channel and later on, John Green’s tumblr and whatnot I discovered DFTBA. What is it, you ask? Only the greatest catchphrase known to mankind. DFTBA = Don’t Forget To Be Awesome. Which is basically what I said to myself on a daily basis before I discovered nerdfighteria, so obviously we’re a match made in awesome heaven.

Well, I’ll leave you with that because those are the only rants/awesome discoveries come to mind at the moment! Have an awesome day, folks! DFTBA! ❤

A Little More About Me

So, I come back to the blog world and I bring lots with me! I haven’t posted much anything since January but, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been writing! Just want to share something I wrote about my personal experiences with God! If it can help in any way, shape or form then, I’m glad I shared. And, if all it does is show a part of myself that I never really share with anyone then, I’m glad for that too! Anyway, here it goes!

Who Am I? 

I am seriously a average girl. My life has been filled with many simple pleasures and blessed with countless little joys. I have never done anything you might consider life-changing. My testimony is not some earth shattering story that can bring you to your knees. It is simply, for lack of a better word, a result of being born into the right family at the right time. I was born, spent a few days in the hospital, and then proceeded to a life filled with God. There were no hoops to jump through, no big doubts to answer, no terribly ill-fated past occurrences to forget. There was me and there was God. And, from the moment I came into this Earth, He was the center of my universe. And so, you must think then, “what could this girl ever tell me about God?” I ask myself that question everyday.

But, before I get to that I do want to put out a disclaimer, I do not pretend to be faultless. No, I may have not ever gone out into the world and been a “heathen” but, I have had my fair share of faults and shortcomings just like anyone else. And, even more importantly, since God weighs all sins equally, I’m just as big of a sinner as you are. So there. Now, we’re even.

Ok, let’s talk. What could I ever tell you? Simple me, with my limited life experiences, and quiet life, with a family that was, and still is, completely built on a foundation of God and faith. How about this: I can tell you that no matter where you come from, what you’ve done, who you are, where you’re going, what you’ve been through-despite every single one of those things- God is the center of everything. He always has been and He always will be.

Easy to say from my side of the grass, right? Wrong.

See, faith is important to me because of how I was raised but, faith was also my biggest enemy because of how I was raised.

What?! Yeah. Exactly.

A lot of people come to find God through a path of unfortunate choices and decisions. One day they set out on this road and that road looks great. The path seems easy and the answers seem to be at reach. Like, all they have to do is walk a few steps further and clarification will just come to them. But, as their journey proceeds, things start to get difficult, complicated, messy, and sometimes just downright wrong. They take wrong turns, blow past caution signs, and sometimes come right to the edge of a cliff.

This cliff is their ‘point of no return.’ What they do there determines everything for them.

It’s at this moment, after a life of missteps and mishaps, that many people come to find that God is not just their best solution, He was their only solution. It’s in the sweet embrace, the gentle, yet strong voice that calls to them, the satisfaction of finally being whole, the immovable and unshakable love that many people find, not just their savior, but the greatest love story anyone has ever encountered. And even though those things cannot make life with God any easier, the memory of a life void of His true love and joy must, I imagine, make any trial or tribulation a pinch easier to withstand.

Now, let me pause a moment to say that I do not in any way, shape, or form believe that I should’ve have had some big sinful life in order to appreciate my salvation. I am, however, trying to make a point.

My point is this, I did not have a “this is the end of the road” moment. Like I said: I was born and then, I went to church. Church was as much a part of my life as anything. God was everywhere from the moment I began to comprehend anything. My earliest memories are of being at church and worshipping God with my aunt and uncle in the front rows of the sanctuary on Sunday mornings. My closest friends are people I met at Segadores De Vida. I never questioned God’s sovereignty in my life. Never once did I doubt his existence of His power. The idea that God is real and his son died on the cross for my sins never seemed anything more than the single most important fact I could ever know. My faith was unshakable.

I want to tell you that I stayed this unrelentingly pious girl but, I didn’t. The older I got, the more serious my doubts and questions seemed. I felt like maybe there was more to this life and maybe God wasn’t the only path to this joy and happiness. Suffice to say that a lot of these questions entered my brain at the same time that I entered college. A place of learning that was supposed to be helping to expand my mind. A place where I often times found that faith in God, was something to be scoffed at. My professors occasionally mocked religion and the religious, my peers laughed at the seemingly far-fetched belief that God could have created the heavens and the earth. In this place, where I had come to grow and evolve as a human being, I automatically felt like I was 10 steps behind everyone else.

I needed to catch up. Fast.

The problem was that every 2 steps closer I was to an intellectual level where I felt comfortable and, dare I say it, accepted was 5 steps away from this relationship I had with God. A God that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to believe in anymore. So, did it really matter? I didn’t think so, not at the time anyway.

But, boy was I wrong! Two years. That’s about how long it took me to realize that by becoming ‘smarter’ I was making the dumbest choice I had ever made. See, God NEVER cared about my shortcomings. He didn’t question any part of my wholly imperfect self before accepting me. He didn’t provide a long list of criterion that needed to be met before he used me to impact others. No, God loved me. Unconditionally, madly, irrevocably, and completely. The best part? When I realized my mistake, when I acknowledged that I was completely at fault and asked for forgiveness I was not met with a scolding tone. I was not turned away or scoffed at. My cries for forgiveness were met with a simple but life-altering “I love you.”

See, I may never do anything to change the world. I may never have stories to tell that will bring people to tears. I may never end world hunger and restore peace to the nations of the Earth but, I carry something in me that is so mind-blowing, so perfect, and so real that it is the only thing I need. I, with all my simplicity, all of my imperfections, all of my shortcomings, was important enough to be considered by a God with a power to change everything. I can never find the words to explain the depth of God’s power and love. I could probably write for days and still never effectively make you understand what makes God so good.

Because that’s the thing about God, you have to feel it. I may not see God, I may not be able to scientifically explain how he could have created the heavens and the earth but, I know that when I speak to him, he hears me. And at every moment that I need to be held, he holds me. I have felt his embrace and I can tell you that there is not a single thing on this earth, no feeling on this earth that can compare to that. Seek God because no matter what He’s the only one who will never leave you, doubt you, or stop loving you. Seek God because He is the only one who can make you whole.