Today.

Today on my car ride home from school, I was listening to a conversation on NPR about teen stress and how teens are now the most stressed people. Being that I’m no longer a teen, I initially thought, “what is there to stress about in high school?!”

But, the more I listened to the data, the more calls I heard coming in from the parents of teens who struggled with stress to point of seriously considering or attempting suicide, the more I remembered what being a teen felt like, what the pressure of wanting to excel in everything and finding myself coming up short made me feel like.

Now, let me pause for a minute and say that I never personally considered attempting/committing suicide and while I am [quite happily] out of my teen years, I do recall that they were no walk in the park and I would NEVER go back to the self-doubt, constant insecurity and extreme pressure that I felt during that time.

Back to my car, in a few short minutes I found myself in tears. My heart breaks for these kids (I swear I don’t mean that condescendingly, I just have no clue what else fits). I remember now how terrible it felt to spend all night studying and pull a C on an exam. I remember thinking about college but, knowing unless I could manage to pull off acceptance into an ivy it wouldn’t be enough. I remember realizing later on that I couldn’t pull off acceptance into an ivy.

At home, my parents struggled to get by every paycheck. My mother’s business made barely enough to stay afloat, let alone give her a paycheck. All my worries and fears about life, life after school, and everything else seemed insignificant compared to my parent’s struggles so, in an effort to be considerate I just never talked about them. Looking back, I realize that I allowed their stresses to become mine and it only served to worsen things in my already stressed brain.

I was uncomfortable at home, school, and most importantly within the confines of my own body. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I would never amount to enough. 

The more that I think about the past, the more I realize that what saved me was the only thing that didn’t consume my thoughts at the time. So, if anyone here has read this and finds themselves going through a difficult time, ready to give up on life, I have two things I want to say to you today:

1. Stay. I know that staying might seem like the craziest, most ridiculous thing to do when you are at the end of your rope, but, I, promise you it’s not. You have an entire life ahead of you. And, I promise you, that great big life is so much more than ivy league schools, big houses, a killer body and constant perfection. While those things might be attainable, the idea of everything being ok 100% of the time is just purely unrealistic. No matter what you do and where you go, you are destined for greatness. You have to believe that and, if you don’t come ask me what I think and I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it. I don’t need to know you personally, I only need to know that you are alive. Because, even if you don’t, I believe that where there is life, there is hope. You are not alone. I know that you think that this universe is much too big for anyone to find your problems important, but, you’re wrong. I care. I am here to listen, to talk, to share stories with. But, you have to stay. Please.

2. Yes, ok. I’m going to do the cliche Christian thing and tell you that the thing that saved me was Jesus and you’re going to roll your eyes and spit out 30 reasons as to why that’s impossible. Ok. I still want you to know, He loves you so much. You were worth His death on a terrible cross. He experienced every type of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain imaginable so that when you came to Him, when you gave Him a shot to know you and to speak to you, He would be able to say, “I know, I’ve been there but, it’s ok. In the end, we win.” I understand that this might not be the popular thing but, I want you to know that Jesus saved me. I could have gone down the path of self-destruction and depression but, no matter how bad things got, I have always had Him to turn to. To this day, when I struggle with doubt, insecurity, fear, worry and stress, there is no greater peace for me than remembering that I am loved beyond measure and understanding.

I wanted to take the time to write this because I find that sometimes I take my salvation for granted and I forget that there are people who don’t know Jesus or who have no one to talk to. And, I just want you to know that I meant every word I said. Talk to me, I’m here to listen.